I have seen Derrick speak a few times, chatted with him a bit after he talked to my class at New College. He is an intense guy, obviously. I like him a lot but I just keep feeling like he is really immersed, identified, overwhelmed by his pain. I completely get that and I guess I can only take so much and at the same time long to find other souls who can even stomach reading this stuff, facing it, talking about it, processing it, feeling it.
I bought COMB a while ago and started it then put it down. After reading an interview with Derrick and John Zerzan in Running on Emptiness, another scathing look at our culture, I was drawn to pick up COMB again and read more. I read like 250 pages over the weekend and now am feeling the deadened weight in my body of what I have mentally digested. I know that I have learned to numb out, a survival mechanism I am sure, but sometimes I would rather scream and rage and cry and curse just to get it out of me. Of course, not many spaces in the world that hold that except maybe a good therapists office, but even then, they just try to get you out of your pain and never seem to really validate the indescriable grief, anger and disbelief of what our species has done and continues to do to everything around it. Right now my soul just aches to be alive and sitting in my room, attached to this computer which I seldom do anymore with chronic RSI and wondering "what the fuck am I doing in SF with all this zoombies around me?" I wanna get the hell out-of my head, of this culture, of this world but there is no where to go. Drugs, parties, joining the rat race, TV/movies, moving away, suicide-none are good options. Well, sorry to dump all this. If I ever do the voice activated thing very well I will have a fucking blog just to get it out of my head. Yes, I am sure I am crazy, in case were wondering. Your thoughts or recommendations for dealing with life are welcome.
I bought COMB a while ago and started it then put it down. After reading an interview with Derrick and John Zerzan in Running on Emptiness, another scathing look at our culture, I was drawn to pick up COMB again and read more. I read like 250 pages over the weekend and now am feeling the deadened weight in my body of what I have mentally digested. I know that I have learned to numb out, a survival mechanism I am sure, but sometimes I would rather scream and rage and cry and curse just to get it out of me. Of course, not many spaces in the world that hold that except maybe a good therapists office, but even then, they just try to get you out of your pain and never seem to really validate the indescriable grief, anger and disbelief of what our species has done and continues to do to everything around it. Right now my soul just aches to be alive and sitting in my room, attached to this computer which I seldom do anymore with chronic RSI and wondering "what the fuck am I doing in SF with all this zoombies around me?" I wanna get the hell out-of my head, of this culture, of this world but there is no where to go. Drugs, parties, joining the rat race, TV/movies, moving away, suicide-none are good options. Well, sorry to dump all this. If I ever do the voice activated thing very well I will have a fucking blog just to get it out of my head. Yes, I am sure I am crazy, in case were wondering. Your thoughts or recommendations for dealing with life are welcome.
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SF Bay Area
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Re: COMB overwhelming
Tue, January 11, 2005 - 7:25 AMDear Eve,
I read this book for the first time last year, doing research to debunk the Lockean model of the movement of humanity from the State of Nature to Civil Society. I went through what you're going through emotionally. Even when I tried to wind down with a film or a little "light reading," everything connected back to thoughts that Jensen expressed. I won't say that Jensen exposed anything that I wasn't periferally aware of, but the mass of evidence he presents is overwhelming.
Comfort came in unexpected ways. My philosophy teacher told me I had changed he ways in which he taught Locke, Hobbes, and the rest of the philosophers who rely on similar framework. I also was lucky enough to find friends who were willing to grieve with me, and continue to do so. I can't say that I have, or will, "recover, and I don't think becoming blind to this pain isn't really an ethical option. I find joy in the small kindnesses and truths that bunk the system of hate and fear that is so pervasive. I don't have the capacity at this time to fix all the things wrong in the world, but I can make small things better, and I can educate people who are interested and willing to hear. If you can't find comfort among your friends in SF, try find other sympathetic people on tribe or reach out to others periferal to your life. There are others out their who share your sorrow, and some of them come from surprising background. Even without Jensen's masterful systematic exposition, the evidence is out there and some have their eyes open enough to see what's really going on.
You're right. There is no where to go. The problems Jensen speaks of are pervaseve all over the globe, and the problems of becoming a stateless person are all but insurmountable. The best solution I have found is to create a loose enclave of people who really care, kind of an invisible culture within the larger society. I don't know whether any of what I've said will help, but I hope it might.
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Re: COMB overwhelming
Tue, January 11, 2005 - 7:18 PMOne of the reasons I started this tribe was to give people a place to express their feelings after reading Jensen. I think grief, despair, sadness, frustration and anger are all reasonable reactions to COMB. I felt all of those and not because it was necessarily new information to me but rather because it was so concentrated. But one overriding feeling helped me get past some of that, it was a realization that "I'm not crazy". Here's a snippet from an email I sent Derrick after reading it, followed by his reply (these are excerpted from a longer email):
me:
>You've done an amazing job of research and connecting ideas and then presenting it all in a highly readable way. I've been listening to a lot of early to mid 80s anarcho peace punk music lately (partly out of nostalgia but also to bolster myself and reaffirm my values and ethics as I struggle to work in a bureaucracy and live in a city) and it fascinates me how many of the concepts and connections in your book were expressed in some fashion by these energetic and dedicated folks. You certainly are more - I was going to say eloquent but I think I really mean - articulate and credible. By credible I mean that perhaps you, via your presentation, can penetrate the consciousness of some of those who don't, or won't, or can't, make the connections. For that alone I thank you. But also for giving me so many moments of "not being crazy" all compressed into the space of one book. I hope the many people to whom I have already recommended your book will read it.<
Derrick replies: >
Thank you for all of this. I'm so glad it helped you know you aren't crazy. That's a primary purpose of my work.<
I post this so you know some of Derrick's motivation and perhaps to find a kernel of motivation therein yourself. If nothing else, we can support and comfort each other in the face of atrocity and oppression. We can dilute the concentration of pain and anguish, not with drugs or TV or ignorance, but by building a community of those who won't avert their gaze from the horror around us but who will be inspired to fight the bullies and thugs we've allowed to take over the planet. -
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Re: COMB overwhelming
Fri, January 14, 2005 - 12:02 AMyes, that is all i want. i don't even know if i want to fight, resist yes, educate and inform anyone who will listen, speak out any way i can, join creative responses, that is what i want to do. most of all i want to work in a way that truly makes a difference, that is all i have ever really wanted. trouble is, have had a hard time choosing what to focus on. i guess i am realizing how much of my life i have had a "martyr, must save the world" sort of way of being and thinking and looking at my future. its excruciatingly painful to face the depth of the crisis and really take it in but liberating also, takes some burden off of me. the toughest part is seeing how complicit i am, even knowing as much as i do. but honestly, can i make more of a difference living as simply as possible or being in the midst of this life (doing my best to live simply in the bay area) and being more active? guess that is the question i still ponder. wouldn't likely be pondering it all all that much but i got really in touch with my own limitations to be an activist/work/speak out with chronic RSI. a face to face, healing, educational active job/life what i must do. as much as the internet tempts me. thanks for all you both shared.
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Re: COMB overwhelming
Mon, January 17, 2005 - 9:07 PMO.K., just have to say I finished the book, whew, now what? Not really sure how to deal with all of that, what to make of it, how to really respond. I feel very aligned with his views but am so frustrated by the lack of compassion, insight and inquiry in his book into human behavior and his weak solution for getting rid of civilization. Is this really possible? Not likely, we need a much greater step by step exploration, this would take generations and of course the best laid plans would be radically altered depending on what happened in the world. The most likely scenario is ecological collapse, that is happening right now so he may get his wish, following great suffering, massive dieoff and a completely different planet that what we experience today. Its possible humans will not survive the coming climatic/ecosystem changes underway. But, a huge "going back to the land" movement would be a good start.
Eve -
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Re: COMB overwhelming
Tue, January 18, 2005 - 12:33 PMI think the anti-civ/primitivist folks are hoping that peak oil will be the opportunity to reinvent humanity's relationship to the planet. I'm less convinced, in fact, I think the empire is already counting on peak oil to further their own goals.
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Re: COMB overwhelming
Wed, January 19, 2005 - 11:23 AMyou are right and there seems to be little to do to stop this as its in full throttle. i guess i would like to say that i believe people can fight back, start a revolution worldwide, bring about a new world but more and more this seems nieve in the face of a deeper look at history and the present and human nature and what movement there is right now. it is amazing, what people are doing globally and it inspires me greatly and i see myself as part of it, even if not as actively at times BUT, the hard reality is that our way of life is unsustainable and instead of facing this and transitioning most of the West is joining the lead of the corporate and political leaders is using up the resources as fast as possible (large population and way of life) and no peoples movement or positive thinking or techno. savior will change this. We have to deal with the truth and hopefully, see that as a community, as humanity we need to help one another survive the crash. The Tsunami is a picnic compared to likely scenarios but no one likes apocolyptic predictions except in the movies and what can we really do about global warming? I think we face that we are ants on this planet and we have been polluting, burning and using up all the food in our anthill but there is now where to go. I only hope I am dead wrong but I then so would all ecologists, biologists, etc. Its not my life, my friends or families I grieve for, its the loss of the ongoing life of this planet as we have known it for centuries. I was wrong about Y2K but this is different. All the more reason to live our dreams, live for today, be in integrity to ourselves and enjoy every precious moment bringing joy to others. The Titanic is sinking, whether we like it or not.
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Re: COMB overwhelming
Thu, January 13, 2005 - 11:55 PMyou don't know how much it helps, my arms are hating the extra typing on tribe buts its so worth it just to have some new people to converse with. my only real hope it just to find a "tribe" a real one I can live with who gets it completely and is facing it and helping one another and preparing in joy, not fear and living day to day as spiritually grounded, lovingly and completely awake as possible. know anyone like that in CA? i am going to research communities and may just move and drop out soon, especially if i don't find a job and do find a possible community home.
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